Answer :
ill help you skip reading that long paragraph answer. the answer is "avoid beginning each sentence with a pronoun"
Answer:
The most effective way to revise this paragraph is to avoid beginning each sentence with the pronoun I.
Explanation:
Starting every sentence in this paragraph with the pronoun "I" does not make it flow like a real narrative it gives the impression of being just sentences together without cohesion, a good revision would be to add connectors to make the transition from line to line and make it work as a whole and unite idea.